How to Inject “Stealth Selling” into a Press Release

Overview

Writers often feel constrained by the strict journalistic conventions, which govern press releases. They cover the 5 W’s in the first paragraph with little or no flourish for fear the media will reject a press release as too “salesy.”

We, the readers, wind up with something all too dry. Worse still, it’s as if copy based on how the customer benefits is off-limits. This leaves many corporate press releases to focus on the company or product features instead. The net effect is a self-centeredness, which borders on hubris and what could be more boring?

The press release we tune up today is refreshingly free of excessive ego. It falls down on some of the basics of press release writing and we call attention to those in passing. What’s more interesting is how we can inject “stealth selling” into this press release, keep it engaging, and not trigger sales resistance.

No, this is not Neuro-Linguistic Programming and there are no “subliminable” messages either.

Get in a Groove with Gruuve

Gruuve provides the combination of a search engine for online music collecting with a social networking site. I met one of the company principals at a Silicon Valley mixer not too long ago and got a quick yet thorough summary of who’s who in this interesting market niche. Some time since then, they revamped their site and the press release I saved to my computer for future reference was removed. In the spirit of “all publicity is good publicity,” I hope they don’t mind my pointing to a cached Google listing.

Copywriting Tune-up

Before	After
GRUUVE To Launch Web Music Engine July 25, 2006 SANTA CLARA, CA. GRUUVE www.gruuve.com today announced the launch of the Gruuve Web Music Engine. Gruuve provides users with tools and services to organize and manage their music, podcasts and audio files in one place. Users can upload their music to their Gruuve account, create playlists, plug and play into iTunes, get discography information for their music library. Gruuve has over 20,000,000 million song titles from over 1,500,000 albums for over 400,000 artists. Users can also create their on web page, invite friends, blog and much more. Presently the music engine supports only MP3 files. Gruuve also enables users to bookmark their favorite artists in their account to quickly access breaking news, get information on tours and new releases. This removes the frustration of signing up for multiple fan club web sites, creating multiple profiles and remembering multiple passwords. Our goal at Gruuve is to connect everything music in one place. For your free account please visit www.gruuve.com.	For: GRUUVE Music Search & Syndication Street, City, State Zip Contact: Person, Email / Phone FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE GRUUVE Launches Web Music Engine Online Service Unites Fans, Music, and Events on Social Networking Platform SANTA CLARA, CA., July 25, 2006 - Countless people worldwide collect music, label it, create it, publish it, promote it, and enjoy it with their friends. Such love of music brings them together at GRUUVE, an online social network focused on music. The new service makes available 20 million songs from more than 1.5 million albums and 400,000 artists. In addition, users create personal web pages, invite friends, and blog. Music lovers use the tools and services of GRUUVE as a way to maintain their music, podcasts, and MP3 audio files. Users upload content to their GRUUVE account, create playlists, and obtain discography information for their music libraries. GRUUVE users take their music with them on their Apple iPods thanks to the plug and play capability of GRUUVE with Apple iTunes. On GRUUVE, users bookmark their favorite artists to receive breaking news on upcoming tours and new releases. In addition, users enjoy the convenience of a single place to keep up with all their favorite acts. This eliminates the need to maintain profiles and passwords at separate fan club websites. New users can setup free accounts at www.gruuve.com.

Readability Statistics

To replicate these numbers, start with the first word of body copy onwards. This is where the Before and After versions are directly comparable. The After version is 29% more readable and shaves nearly 1.5 years off the grade level.

Thankfully, we don’t need lower readability, more SMOG, or a higher grade level as cover for our stealth selling component – more on this below.

Get Press Release Basics Squared Away

In the opening before the press release headline, it helps to include the “For:”, “Contact:”, and “FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE” elements. This eliminates ambiguity for whoever in the media mulls picking up your press release.

Moreover, in this post dot.com era, providing a physical address puts the issuer of the press release in a more stable light. Supplying a contact gives the media an individual to get in touch with if they have any questions. Specifying the release is for immediate use cues them that they’re free to run with the press release. Without these items, chances are, the press release will never run.

Slip a Benefit into the Headline or Sub-head

This isn’t the stealth part, but slipping a benefit into the headline or sub-head is advisable for the same reasons. The Before version offers a headline too generic and brief to convey a benefit. Also, by placing it in future tense, any benefits appear subject to doubt.

The After version places the headline firmly in the present. This removes lingering doubt and is valid to do given the network’s many participating artists, songs, and albums.

More importantly, the After version uses the sub-head to accomplish two things. One, it makes clear what Gruuve is. Two, it implicitly states that using Gruuve is fun.

Give Your Press Release a Pleasing Flow

The Before version has a fitful flow to it. There are 4 single sentence paragraphs and 2 lengthy ones. The first paragraph is a single sentence that simply restates the headline and therefore loses momentum. It does cover 4 W’s from a traditional journalistic standpoint. Unfortunately, it’s hard to find a “why”, even an implicit one.

The After version recognizes that social networking and specialty search engines are still somewhat new on their own let alone together. The opening two sentences let us know that popular passions are fueling the rise of Gruuve.

This is essential to injecting stealth sales language into the press release, but let’s get back to flow. Overall, the paragraph elaborates on the headline and sub-head. The last two sentences of the paragraph flesh out the first two sentences.

The Before version dives too quickly into the low level particulars of what people can do on Gruuve. This would be better suited to a second paragraph detailing the first.

For some reason, the third paragraph is a single sentence. Its content detracts from the positive message of this press release. If there are music file formats poised to overtake MP3, I haven’t heard about them. Why call attention to it?

The After version uses its second paragraph to clarify how people use Gruuve day to day.

The fourth paragraph of the Before version and the third of the After version serve the same purpose. For some reason, the Before version includes another unexpected, single sentence as its fifth paragraph. This sentence comes across as a tagline and may raise sales resistance. More about this when we discuss “voice” in the next section.

One last point about flow in the After version. Each paragraph expands upon a noun found in the sub-head. The first paragraph addresses music as a basis for social networking. The second speaks to the music itself. The third is about fans and events. Coming out of the third paragraph, one gets the feeling there are no loose ends or areas of confusion.

Use a Consistent Voice to Keep Sales Resistance at Bay

In terms of voice, the Before version started out in third person and remained there until the second to last sentence. At that point, it entered first person. First person combined with what amounts to a tagline is bound to raise sales resistance.

The final sentence of the Before version then switches to second person voice. Sales resistance will be even higher for this sentence because it reads as a call to action in a sales piece.

The After version pre-empts sales resistance by respecting the basic journalistic requirement of maintaining third person voice unless quoting someone.

Speaking of which, adding quotes to this press release would increase credibility. For a press release to be distributed online, it might be SEO savvy to have the quote come from one of the more popular Gruuve network bloggers.

How to Inject Stealth Sales Language into a Press Release

Again, let’s be clear that we’re not talking about psychology or anything subliminal.

Everything revolves around how we handle the 5 W’s in the first paragraph. The Before version approaches this is in a conventional, journalistic way. The 5 W’s of the After version hinge around an implicit benefit to the user.

The table below compares the two on this basis:

5 W's	Before	After
Who	Gruuve	Music lovers
What	Music engine	Joining a music oriented online social network
Where	Santa Clara	Implicitly, anywhere people want to socialize with others using music as a starting point
When	July 25, 2006	Now
Why	Unclear	Implicitly, you can feed your love of music in the company of old friends and new and enjoy all the conveniences of a powerful online music management system

Wrap up

This tune up is about a philosophy of engaging the reader first so that self promotion takes care of itself. Like any sales literature, a press release must be held to the same standard for justifying the reader’s continued attention. Either way, the reader’s first concern is W.I.I.F.M. – what’s in it for me.

By addressing this aspect of human nature in an objective way, using the third person voice, and keeping the text as readable as possible, a press release can have even greater selling power than an advertorial because it never blows its cover.

To your marketing success,

Eric Rosen
Strategic Marketing Writer
Clear Crisp Communications
Easier to Read Means More Sales and Leads

How to Score More Impulse Sales with Report Summaries

For this edition of The Copywriting Makeovers Blog, we makeover a report summary from The Aberdeen Group . Clients of The Aberdeen Group are vendors of information technology (IT) products and services. With the market research and business strategy services of The Aberdeen Group, they attain leadership status in emerging markets.

While this particular summary of "e-Learning in the Enterprise " is dated, the business points it makes are truer today than ever. Moreover, the need to write clear, crisp literature is timeless.

Previous tune-ups show B2B marketers how to embrace the second person voice while maintaining a respectful corporate tone. Since this is a report summary, second person voice is not an option. Still, the summary acts as a "sample taste" of what purchasers of the report can expect for their money. For this reason, the summary plays a marketing role and must entice readers to buy the report.

Size-up your Audience and the Point of Sale

The audience for Aberdeen Group offerings is most likely to be educated and upwardly mobile. This means it's reasonable to assume purchasers of a report see themselves as rational consumers. Still, since the sale is happening online, impulse plays an important role in the buying decision. Summaries which are easier to read mean more sales of reports for The Aberdeen Group.

Copywriting Tune-up

The challenges for this copywriting tune-up are:

• Eliminate wordiness
• Make it easier to read
• Whet the reader's appetite to buy the report

Before	After
Employee training is a major issue — and expense — for today's enterprises, which increasingly recognize that their competitive economic advantage is related to education, knowledge, and training. As a result, there is a heightened focus on developing technical, professional, and managerial skills through the use of training and education, causing enterprises to invest increasing amounts of time, money, and effort in employee training. To keep up with stiff global competition and today's fast-changing technology in an Information Age economy, enterprises are trying to quickly and effectively train employees, while keeping expenses within reasonable limits. The pace of change in technology is making continuous learning both more critical and more difficult. The nature of learning has changed in that enterprises must continuously and quickly train and update the skills of their employees, especially in critical professions such as information technology (IT), to keep pace with all the changes. The market is demanding true enterprise-level training and education solutions. Traditional classroom training methods simply cannot keep up with the vastly increased speed and flexibility needed to meet training and education requirements for businesses running on Internet time. Nonetheless, all of this training is expensive, and training organizations are often finding themselves under pressure to lower their costs by more efficiently delivering training. For these reasons, enterprises are seeking alternatives to traditional classroom training, especially technology-based training (TBT) alternatives, such as e-Learning, computer training, and satellite video broadcasts. "TBT" refers to training through technological media that takes place in venues other than a classroom, including computers, television, audiotape, and videotape. Of the TBT alternatives, e-Learning is the most attractive alternative for enterprises and individual consumers because of its flexibility, convenience, cost-effectiveness, real-time interactivity and ability to leverage the power of the Internet.	Training employees is critical to the success of today's businesses. With their advantage in the marketplace hinging on education, knowledge and training, companies are committing more time, money, and effort to training. To rise to the challenge of stiff global competition and fast-changing technologies, companies strive to train their employees quickly and effectively while keeping their expenses in check. As the pace of technological change quickens, it alters the learning challenges businesses face. The need to train and update employee skills quickly and continuously grows more urgent. This pressure is acute in professions like information technology (IT) which are on the front lines of technological change. The market calls for speedy and flexible solutions to meet the demands of global companies. Traditional classroom training is unable to keep up and training groups seek more efficient ways to deliver training. Training delivered in venues other than a physical classroom we refer to as technology based training (TBT). Among the possibilities are computers, television, audiotape, and videotape. TBT options include e-Learning, computer training, and satellite video broadcasts. The most attractive alternative is e-learning because it is the most flexible, convenient and affordable. Also, e-learning is able to make full use of the Internet. This makes it easier to create and update interactive learning experiences.

Readability Statistics

The makeover is more readable by a ten-fold margin. Note the drastic reduction in length. The After summary has less than ¾ the number of characters. Several other changes are also likely to boost Aberdeen Group's conversion rate. These include:

• More paragraphs for greater whitespace
  
• More sentences with fewer words for easier reading
  
• Smaller words for instant comprehension

Embrace Simplicity

Anytime someone views this summary, a sale hangs in the balance. Dense sentence structures hold back sales.

For example, the Before summary opens with an excellent point but dilutes it with an interruption ("— and expense —"). Following the interruption with a complex clause exacerbates the problem. The noun "advantage" is front loaded with a double adjective, "competitive economic." This wordy noun leads into a list of three more nouns to finish the sentence. The After summary breaks these concepts into sentences of their own for easier reading.

Keep Subjects and Verbs Clear and Connected

The second Before sentence begins with, "As a result, there is a heightened focus on developing training…" Who is the subject? By leaving the subject vague, we force readers to think in abstract terms. The more "thinking" they have to do, the lower our conversion rate.

We may not be able to use second person voice, but keeping verbs prominent and closely tied to their subject is the next best thing. These verbs should be concrete and action-oriented.

The first verb in the Before summary is "developing" which leaves too much to the imagination. The After summary offers up "hinging" – a visual verb and it clearly ties back to the pronoun, "their." In the same sentence, we have another visceral verb in "committing." This verb belongs to the subject "companies" and covers the all-important ideas of time, money and effort.

Jettison Jargon, Cancel Corporate Speak

One over-used word in B2B marketing literature is "enterprise." What does enterprise really mean? Is it a code word for companies over a certain size? How do we measure size? Is it number of employees, yearly revenue, or something else? Do we implicitly exclude public sector and non-profit organizations when we use the word, "enterprise"?

All of this ambiguity surrounding the word "enterprise" promotes thought not action. "Company", "firm", and "organization" are concrete substitutes for "enterprise."

Another superfluous term in the Before summary is "Information Age economy." By the time this term appears, the phrases "stiff global competition" and "fast-changing technology" have already done a good job of expressing how urgent it is for companies to invest in their employees.

Focus on Flow and Repeat Only When Necessary

The second paragraph of the Before summary opens with another reference to fast-paced changes in technology and how they affect training. Figure the sharp Aberdeen Group audience already digested this fact in the first paragraph. By this time, the After summary moves on to discussing alternatives to classroom training as a nimble way to respond to these challenges.

Define Your Terms Upfront. Stay on Track for the Call-to-Action

The third paragraph of the Before summary gets pretty far along when it introduces the term "technology based training." This introduction uses examples before defining the term. Even if the reader understands the terms based on the examples, defining it afterwards may cause readers to second-guess their understanding. Again, the Before summary prompts thought instead of action.

The After summary begins its second-to-last paragraph with a definition of technology based training and it flows well from the previous paragraph's discussion of the need for alternatives to traditional classroom training. The next sentence reinforces the definition with examples. This keeps the reader engaged and moving on to our call-to-action without breaking the trance.

Don't Bury Your Benefits – Spotlight them

The Before summary should have had a 4 th paragraph starting with, "Of the TBT alternatives…" This section is the only one focused on the benefits a purchaser of the report is looking for in his or her organization. Consider this our last chance to trigger a buying impulse. Keeping it buried as the second half of an overly long paragraph makes a good conversion rate an uphill battle.

The After summary breaks out the benefits of e-learning into a final paragraph with only 3 short, but direct sentences. The benefits are easy-to-understand and free of jargon.

Bonus Tip - Use Simple Adjectives, not Abstract Nouns

The Before summary uses the nouns "flexibility, convenience, cost effectiveness." The After summary avoids the extra thought these nouns require. Instead, it achieves greater impact with their adjective forms – "flexible, convenient, affordable."

Wrap-up

It's easy to lose sight of the fact a report summary is marketing collateral as much as it is an abbreviated form of "product."

While using the second person voice is off limits because the report summary surveys a market, it converts prospects into customers when the writer:

• Recognizes the impulse purchase behavior at stake
  
• Uses clear subjects and verbs, simple adjectives, and minimal jargon or corporate speak
  
• Drives the reader to action with a strong benefits-oriented finish

Spreading good copy beyond the traditional boundaries of marketing collateral can only yield, as legendary copywriter Clayton Makepeace says, "bigger winners, more often."

To your marketing success,

Eric Rosen
Strategic Marketing Writer
Clear Crisp Communications
Easier to Read Means More Sales and Leads

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